Lost Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

I can't find where this was originally posted. I didn't write it, but I should have because I could have.

How to Make a Sandwich on the Island

Jack
1. Gather ingredients
2. Point gun at ingredients and shout “HOW DO I MAKE A SANDWICH OUT OF YOU?!?!?”
3. Breathe heavily through your nose as though you were about to hit ingredients
4. Give up and make the sandwich yourself, and eat it bitterly

Kate
1. Make separate sandwiches, one with peanut butter and one with jelly
2. Take a bite of the peanut butter sandwich, declaring it the best
3. Take a bite of the jelly sandwich, declaring it the best
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 ad infinitum
5. Follow peanut butter or jelly sandwich into grave danger

Sawyer
1. Throw the jar of jelly at wall, sneering “I don’t need no sandwich”
2. Call the mascot on the jar of peanut butter lots of clever nicknames
3. Huff and puff and stomp around and grumble a lot
4. When no one’s looking, make perfect, even, symmetrical peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sit in a corner, enjoying every bite

Locke
1. Sit idly by, believing that the ingredients will find a way to make a sandwich out of themselves
2. Lose faith and make the sandwich anyway
3. Realize that you were the instrument by which the ingredients chose to make a sandwich after all
4. Run around the room and grab everyone’s knives, insisting that their sandwiches will do the same in time

Hurley
1. Make sandwich
2. Eat sandwich
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 ad infinitum

Sayid
1. Procure 23 milligrams of uranium-20
2. Set hadron supercollider to eight megajoules
3. Program a sandwich-making macro using Cobol or Visual Basic
4. Act all tough-like

Desmond
1. Eat sandwich
2. Call the sandwich “brother”
3. Place peanut butter slice over jelly slice
4. Spread jelly on the other slice
5. Spread peanut butter on one slice
6. Take two slices of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly

Ben
1. Steal someone else’s sandwich
2. Claim you coerced them into making the sandwich for you all along
3. Say you’ll tell them everything if they make you another sandwich
4. Stare at them all creepy-like

Libby
1. Lay out plans for one of the most intricate, fascinating, and delicious sandwiches of all time
2. Just as you start making it, get shot

Danielle
1. Apply peanut butter
2. Disappear for eight months
3. Apply jelly
4. Disappear for eight months
5. Eat sandwich

Claire
1. Mmmmmmm, peanut butter

Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse
1. Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
2. Have someone take a bite, then tell them it’s a baloney sandwich
3. Make up a whole bunch of other shit, then say you had planned it all along
4. Buy a few yachts

What are we at now...23 days until Lost is back? Yay!

Top 10 New Kids on the Block of 2009

Top ten lists are important in the new year. Here's mine. I gave it a lot of thought.

Top Ten NKOTB Members of 2009.

1. Donnie


2. Donnie

3. Donnie

4. Donnie

5. Donnie

6. Donnie

7. Joe

8. Jordan

9. Jon

10. Danny

Grey Cup in Calgary, death, destruction.

We just got back from the Grey Cup festivities in Calgary, where we saw my sister Dana and also almost died in a car accident 2874 different times. If you know me you already know the story, and if you don't already know, that was basically it anyway. The roads suddenly turned into ice when we tried to drive home, and everyone was smashing into each other. It was c-c-c-crazy and absolutely terrifying. We survived though. Woo!

I was smart enough to charge my camera battery before leaving so we could get lots of pictures, but stupid enough to leave my battery in the charger, bringing an empty camera. I have no pictures of my sister or her kids, who I hadn't seen in two years. Yep.

At the Grey Cup festivities, there were insane amounts of free stuff handed out. My favourite was the bacon though. A huge tub of bacon. The lady handed me a can of Pepsi Max and said, "No calories, so it's okay to have bacon!"

I was confused, but went to the bacon lady and took some. I asked her what the bacon was for. She said it's Pepsi Max's slogan. You can eat bacon because the Pepsi has no calories.

Love.

Me: "Clearly Pepsi isn't marketing this product to the Jews."

Lady: .....

Awkward silence. Sara eats bacon. Aaaaaaaaaaaand scene.
(Not end scene.)

Guess who loves me!

"Her, her mom and her brother are the sweetest family! She is a little angel!"

- Donnie Wahlberg on Twitter, about MY family, with this picture included.

Oh my, I love him still. My life is super duper fun.

Conversations with my kids are the best.

Oops...I forgot I had a blog.

At dinner tonight I was telling the kids about a guy I know named Lochlan.

Max: Do they call him Locke?
Me: No, but I should tell him we have a guinea pig named Locke.
Corina: Lochlan sounds like Walkman.
Max: You should tell him you have a Walkman.

My kids grew up once we hit the splashpark.

Today Corina was in a bathing suit and I was a bit of a distance away from her. Those two things have not happened simultaneously in quite a while, and I guess I saw her objectively for a few seconds. I was shocked, SHOCKED I say, to see how long and skinny and toothpicky she is. It looks like it would hurt to hug her.


And this...this...when the hell did this happen?

Max now sits in a chair at the splashpark and watches little kids play?

MAX!!! What is happening to you?? TURN INTO MY BABY RIGHT NOW!

See you in another life, brutha.

That's what Desmond said to his cagemate as we took him away. It was all very sad.

But today they were reunited. Say hi to Charlie! Desmond's on the left with the mohawk and Charlie is on the right with all the chub.

They get along so well. Charlie sings to Desmond (super loud purring) and Desmond is constantly saving Charlie's life. I don't know how many times today he has said, "You're gonna DIIIIIIEEEE Chahlieeeee!"

Charlie's kind of a spaz and he bit my thumb, but we still like him.

I have a creature in my house.

I'm really not a pet person. Most people who know me are aware of that. I often wonder if I'm a horrible mom because all my kids really want in the world is a dog and a baby, and I won't give them either one. They ache for something little to love and cuddle and take care of, so today I gave in.

*sigh*

Introducing.....
Desmond! (Yes, Hume. I got to name him.)

He is a 10 week old guinea pig and he has a natural mohawk which makes him likable already. So far he's very scared and doesn't want to come out of his tunnel, but I'm sure we'll have more fun with him once he's comfortable. We even got him a leash so we could play in the backyard with him. Now that sounds like a party.

This is the new favourite activity in our house:
Staring. Fun!!! I hope it's everything they ever dreamed of.

Desmond better like New Kids on the Block, because tonight he'll be watching the live stream of their Full Service Tour with us. Woot! You can do it too. Just click here.

Full Service Tour In Your House!

In da house?

New Kids on the Block's Full Service Tour didn't come anywhere near me this summer, which I am okay with. Really. I am. I never once cried about it. To make up for leaving Western Canada completely out of the tour, they are going to stream their Dallas show live online on July 17! Woot!

The show will be on iClips.net, and you can order the show starting Monday, July 13. I know all my friends will want to watch it. You'll get to see my boyfriend!

This is bringing back all the memories of their Pay Per View when I was a teenager. Maybe Donnie will ride in on a motorcycle, Danny will say "Live...via satellite!", and they'll all take off their shirts - just to continue bringing back the memories.

Joe and his son Griffin

Joe has a book drive he does at each show, which is what he would like to tell you about here. Get ready for the most adorable thing ever.

The Griffster says "Sure" we can get to 25,000 books! from LET'S GET THIS FOUNDATION on Vimeo.

My ovaries just exploded. That was so sweet, and I love watching Joe as a dad.

School, singing, teeth, tattoos.

It's summer! YAY! Now the kids and I get to stare at each other for two months straight, and we couldn't be happier about it.

Both the kids did really well this year in school again. Corina and a buddy had enrichment together so their giant brains wouldn't stagnate in their grade two class. I'm so glad she had a good teacher who was willing to do extra work for her.

Max had the big transition to middle school and it couldn't have gone better. He became a superstar on the trumpet in stage band, and continued with his scary big-brained ways. He got perfect on his science Provincial Achievement Test (that's possible?), and he joined the math club and entered the Pythagoras Mathematics Contest. In an assembly he was presented with this certificate of distinction for that test, which was apparently super hard and I'm sure I would fail.
He didn't even care. He was all, "Do I have to keep this award?"

And I was all, "YES! IT PROVES I'M A GOOD MOMMY! I mean...keep it if you want, buddy. I don't know..."

This is my pretty-haired Corina heading off for her last recital of the season. She sang Ferryman. I just love her hair all curled like that. She was too busy watching tv to even look at the camera.

Max finally lost his last two baby teeth, one right after the other. He decided he was done with them and yoinked them both out.

Today we went to the Tattoo Show at the Exhibition Grounds. I was very tempted to get a whole bunch of tattoos, like maybe a single tear on my cheek and a huge flower on my thigh, but I resisted. The kids aren't as strong though.

Donnie will be proud to see what Max got:

A seahorse will be proud to see what Corina got:

Here's the video of Corina's recital. I love her sweet voice.

Alice in Wonderland

Ummm....yes please!!!

Thank you, Tim Burton.

I Built a Lamp!

Before:
After:

Am I proud of myself? Oh yeah.

Do I appear insane while I build lamps? Another yeah.

I don't really love that kind of job, and I'm not super confident with such things. I'm very against negative self-talk though. When things aren't going well, I am careful not to say things like, "I can't do it! It's too hard! I suck at this!"

Instead, if you were watching me, you'd hear things like this over and over:

"You're doing a great job! That's okay...you can just do that part again and it will be fine. Good girl! Aaaaaaannnnd....GOOD! That's SO GOOD!!!" Nice things to say, but perhaps a little creepy when I'm home alone.

I love my lamp.

Popsicle!!!

New Kids started their Full Service Tour last night. They aren't coming anywhere near me at all, and in a show of great restraint and mental health I didn't buy any tickets for far away shows. Yay me! Instead I'll be living on Youtube for the weekend watching every clip I can find. That's still healthy. Shut up.

I just watched this clip, and I LOVE it! It is absolutely brilliant. I laughed, I cried, I cheered, I bounced up and down while clapping my hands spastically...



So gangsta!!

I love it. Good job, Joe. I need to find another clip that shows more.

Women's Show and Chantal Kreviazuk

Corina and I had a special girl's day yesterday. We sent Max off to have a boy's day with his best friend, and we went to the Women's Show. They had all kinds of girly displays there, like makeup, hair things, purses, bras, and vaginas. It was great fun.

At one of the hair places, the girl did Corina's hair all fancy for her. See?

At least once every 2 minutes from then on, someone stopped her to tell her how pretty she was. After about an hour of that, she told me it's really annoying being beautiful because no one will leave her alone. I know, Corina. I KNOW.

That food she's eating is from a cooking show they had there. I wish we had been there longer, because every time the guy cooked something he gave it out to the crowd. I love free food best of all!

When the Women's Show was over for the day, they had a Chantal Kreviazuk concert. We had 4th row tickets.
Hi Chantal. You look like me.

This is one of Corina's favourite songs. She did this one while we were still in our 4th row seats. We ended up in front row almost in the centre because there were a couple of empty seats. I gave those people some time to show up, but they didn't. It's a shame to leave front row seats empty. A damn shame.

At the end of the show, Corina skipped up to Chantal with a big smile on her face, waving. Chantal crouched down and said hi to her and called her Sweetie. Corina could not have been happier.

Today she wrote a fan letter to her. She wouldn't tell me what she was working on, other than to ask for my cd so she could spell "something". This is what the letter says.

To: Chantal Kreviazuk. You're pretty and I love your music, but my favourite song is I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane. It has a pretty sound. If you ever have a concert, buy front row seats and centre and get two for me and my mom and VIP passes, if it is far away give us something to get there with. You don't know where I live. I live at (.......). Send it to that address and please do it, and put my name on it so I get to open it. This is how you spell my name. C-O-R-I-N-A.

ps. I am the little girl that at the women's show I came and waved to you and you said "Bye Sweetie".

OMG. She was so proud to show me that letter when it was done. I had to try not to laugh. She's got a sense of entitlement, eh? I blame Donnie. She thinks every celebrity is like him now.