Saturday, December 30, 2006

A lake, snow, a camera, and us.

Our adventure today was a walk at the lake, which is right around the corner from our house. I love this first picture. It would seem Max thinks whatever I'm saying is pretty funny.

Max's face looks like it's covered in boogers. He was very upset when he realized that's how the picture turned out. He wants to make sure everyone knows it's snow. It's SNOW!

Now we're not giant headed midgets.

A tour of our house.

I'm still trying to get the hang of this camera. Some pictures turned out blurry, like all the ones we took of Corina in her princess bedroom. She hasn't inherited my hatred for colours, so I let her have a purple room. It's very hard on me.
Max loves stuffed dogs more than just about anything. There's hardly room for him in his bed.
For some reason when I changed the size of this picture, it turned us wider. Now we kind of look like midgets with giant heads. I don't care for it much. Anyway, that's my room. It's a bed and nothing else. I gave the kids the bigger rooms and I sleep in what could almost be considered a closet.
There's our living room. There's still Christmas stuff everywhere, which I can't stand. Clutter makes my head hurt.
Max, Corina, and I all have knitting knobbys (knobbies?) now. We're making long yarn ropes. I have no idea what we'll do with them.
There you go. It's like you spent the morning with us. Did you have fun?

Friday, December 29, 2006

More pictures. More more more.

I cut Max's hair tonight. He wants his hair long, I want it short, and so we compromise by cutting it short. Shut up. I'm the mom.
This is just a picture of Corina and me because she's cute and I invented her.

And that picture is there because Corina took it, and because I was surprised to see how long my nose is. My nose is that long? Really? Really???

I love having this camera. And I made the pictures smaller. Did you notice? Thanks for teaching me, Mike.

The best present ever!

My friend Laurie and her husband bought us a digital camera for Christmas. I'm not quite sure what we did to deserve such an amazing gift, but we are INCREDIBLY grateful. So grateful that it required all caps to get the point across. Prepare yourselves for way too many pictures of my family, starting now!

Here's where we live. Almost everyone I know has never seen my house. That's weird. Hello, Ontario people. I live here. It would be nice if someone in my family would come visit us sometime.

Corina was trying to help me figure out how to work the new camera. Figuring out these things isn't my strength, and apparently Corina found it quite boring.

While Corina and I were working hard, Max and his buddy Skyler were upstairs playing Dragons. That's what they've done every day since Christmas. I suppose it's because they're boys.
Yay for digital cameras! Also in the package from Laurie is a portable USB 2.0 SD card reader. I have no idea what it is, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. I can't seem to find a use for it yet, but it's probably important.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

I will lose all my morality.

I had the weirdest night. I could not stop dreaming about oysters. I woke up over and over, and every time I did, I was having another oyster dream. I was eating them (and they were the best thing I had ever eaten in my life), buying them, talking to people about them, and thinking about them. I looked up oysters in a dream dictionary today and it says some wonderful things.
To dream that you are eating oysters indicates sexual urges and gratification. It signifies that you will lose all your senses and morality in the pursuit of low pleasures and indulgences.
To see oysters in your dream symbolizes beauty, humility, wealth, wisdom, and a laid-back atmosphere. To see them also denotes easy circumstances, and many children are promised to you.
To deal in oysters denotes that you will not be over-modest in your mode of winning a sweetheart, or a fortune.
The most negative interpretation is that the oyster represents a well guarded individual; a person who has shut himself off from others.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I smell delicious.

I got that for Christmas. I wasn't sure if I would like it. (Vanilla is so 1996.) But it's vanilla spice. It's different. It smells like I baked something wonderful and then rubbed it all over myself. Usually I smell like oranges or cotton candy, but now I smell like cookies and cinnamon and something else I can't quite place. I thought you should all know.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas Eve baby.

My friend Vicky (she's the one who babysits my kids - pay attention!) had her baby yesterday. The amazing thing is she came to sacrament meeting, yet still gave birth before church was over. An hour before church was over, actually. Apparently she was in labour in the chapel, although she looked more like she had indigestion. I can't believe she can get babies out of herself so easily. I think that means she's supposed to have a whole bunch more.

There's big sister Lizzy with baby Hayden. I stole that picture from Vicky's blog. She'll probably have me arrested.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

These people are cuter than you.

My friend Vicky, who babysits my kids, gave me a bunch of pictures she has taken over the last couple of months. Now you all get to see how cute my kids are, and how cute her kid is too. Lucky.

Corina's favourite food has been tomatoes ever since she was a baby. Vicky grows tomatoes right outside her door. That keeps Corina from running away.
Look how much Max loves his sister! And how much his sister loves tomatoes.
And there's Lizzy. She's in my nursery at church, and holy is she smart. And cute. I'm considering kidnapping her.

I believe I'll be getting my very own digital camera quite soon, and then you'll be seeing pictures all the time. Hourly, maybe.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Pomander jokes are the very best kind.

The kids and I were just making pomander oranges for a Christmas Eve activity. (It's Christmas Eve at our house today.) Sometimes we try to make designs on them with the cloves. Corina decided to make a star for baby Jesus, but it ended up not looking very star-like. She looked a little disappointed, but then told us, "It's a P. For Pesus."

4.0 GPA. Just what I wanted for Christmas.

Children With Special Needs A+
Field Placement A+
Interpersonal Communications A+
Composition A+
Human Development A+
Observation and Assessment A+
Role of the Special Needs Educational Assistant A

Damn that last mark. She gave everyone low marks on our last assignment because too many people were going to get A's. (It was our easiest class by far.) She stole my A+. I don't like plain A's at all.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A Christmas miracle.

A guy found this note rolled up in a sock on his doorstep in Skidmore, and it makes me incredibly happy.

Monday, December 18, 2006

I'm bragging.

I got 97% on my psychology final today! Tons of people failed that course. The class average was a fail at one point, and probably still is. I think my final mark is something like 97.6, but I'll have to wait until Thursday to find out for sure. Thursday I get all my marks. I'm so happy! I worked really hard to get that grade. Yay me!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Justin Timberlake has nothing to do with sexy.

I don't really get the whole Justin Timberlake thing. He's not sexy. He's not sexy, damn it! He looks like he's stuck mid-puberty. He's like a weaselly little fourteen year old. I realize some women are pedophiles, but still...

And the other thing is he looks just like Doogie Howser, and Doogie isn't known for being the sexiest man in the world. (Is he??) Doogie is completely being ripped off, because if I can't even tell the difference between him and the fourteen year old, shouldn't NPH be getting more attention? I realize he's not looking for attention from the ladies, but then I have my doubts about Justin, too.

I'm supposed to be studying right now.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Dating advice for the gents.

On a first date, you should probably talk a little less about the wart on your arm you haven't been able to get rid of for almost 20 years, and more about...well...any other topic in the world. I mean - really. Please. And especially when we're eating. Holy hell.

Of course we'll put saliva in our belly buttons!

That was the weirdest thing EVER. Apparently Corina has an eighth chakra that has a Scottish child attached to it. It's a kid who went missing in Scotland and didn't survive a few years ago. Completely normal.
Also, Corina has inherited stuff from my father's mother's mother. Well I have no idea who that is, because she gave my Nana up for adoption. That will stay a mystery.
The most normal part was when Corina had to suck on a Q-Tip and then stick it in her belly button. I think that's the part that will cure her epilepsy.
Anyway, that's what happened at the energy healing today. I don't know what to think.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Seizures and drugs and witches.

Corina got in to see the specialist today. That's fast in Canada. Very fast. He's positive she has temporal lobe epilepsy, which is the same thing my sister and I have. Sorry about that, Corina! There's a strong genetic component with these things, so it's apparently all my fault. The seizures she's having seem to be complex partial seizures. He ordered an EEG and prescribed Tegretol, which I'm not giving her yet.
Tomorrow we go to the witch doctor. Corina's having her first Body Talk session. They're going to talk to her body and tell it how to heal itself or something. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, but if it works I'll join up and be dumb too. I just really don't want to drug her up.
I'm in the middle of finals, and I haven't been able to study at all. I'm a little worried about that.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


Corina's appointment went really well today. This was the appointment where I had to convince the doctor the situation is serious enough for us to be referred to another doctor who will actually be able to do something about it. I was very organized about it, and presented him with a lovely binder. It documents the time and date of each seizure, the events leading up to it, and what happened with each seizure...all in a fun and easy to read format! It also has her medical history as far as the epilepsy is concerned. Oh, and I had her decorate the front of it, and then made a cute title page that has an especially adorable picture of her on it. It looks really sweet, and that should serve the purpose of reminding the doctors she's a real person so they'll do their best to help her. (I know - I over think things.)

Anyway, he thinks it's quite possible the enlarged temporal horn they found in her MRI five years ago is causing the problem today, and he referred us to another doctor. Thankfully he didn't brush us off or just try to give her medication. I'm just waiting for that doctor to call with our appointment time now. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

Corina's having a nap beside me right now. Eight seizures since Friday - the kid is awfully tired. That's hard work.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Kids with brain damage are funny.

Corina is very happy that she gets to sleep in my room every night while we sort out this epilepsy deal. After her bath, she asked if she still gets to sleep in my room tonight.
I told her my room is a seizure-free zone, and she only gets to sleep there if she doesn't have a seizure in my bed.
She said, "Well sucks to be you. I'm sleeping in your bed and I'm having a seizure."
How great is she? Very great. She's already making jokes about it. If you have to have epilepsy, you may as well have fun with it. That's what I always say. Always. I can't stop saying it. Someone help me.
And yes, that's totally my room in the picture.

Monday, December 11, 2006

I think this counts as voodoo or something.

So, I'm thinking of trying something like this for Corina. If you know me at all - and you probably do, or you wouldn't care to read about my kid's seizures - then you would know I normally hate that kind of of stuff. I don't believe in it at all, but then there's no rule that you have to have faith in it for it to work, so I'm okay.

If things continue on as they are, she's probably going to have to go on medication for her seizures. Those medications are truly horrible. A lady in my ward does energy healing, and as weird as I think that is, I think I'll give it a shot before I drug my little baby.

Now I'm asking questions. Have any of you guys tried it, or do you know someone who tried it, or have you heard of it, or do you want to buy me a Christmas present? Tell me what you think about the voodoo.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

This is normal.

I dreamed I was dating a guy. He's not a real guy. I made him up in my dream. He was gigantic. He probably used to play football when he was younger, but now he's older and kind of fat. We were walking along together, and he scooped me up and carried me. You know the way you carry a little kid on your hip? He carried me like that, and I liked it very much. That's something I want from my husband one day. I want him to carry me like a toddler, and I promise to stay under 115 pounds so he'll be able to do it. I don't care if you think I'm weird, so shut up.

And while we're not on the topic - Corina didn't have a seizure today. Yay!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Hide your children.

This is how I introduced my kids to Mary Poppins. Now that's some good fun.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

This is what we looked like at supper tonight.

I bought a roasted chicken at the grocery store today, and just for fun we ate it on the kitchen floor in pretty much the same way those lions are eating. We didn't even have anything else with it. No vegetables or anything. We were totally animals. It was sick and disgusting and super fun, and my kids think I'm the best mom in the world. I totally am.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Thank you, scary Santa.

The local Harley Davidson club is going to sponsor my family this Christmas. They're going to buy us presents and food, and I think they're also going give us tattoos and beat us up. I'm totally okay with that. I hope I get a fringed leather jacket!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Coincidence? I

I had to take a taxi tonight, and I got chatting with the driver. I do that. (Talk a lot.) We're in Alberta, which is way in Western Canada. Turns out the driver is from out east, and so are we. That's far, far away. And then when we started narrowing down exactly where we're from, we found out it is the exact same place. I mean exact. We were born in the same hospital. The same hospital! I think that's freaking weird. I forgot to ask if he also came out of my mom's privates. He probably did.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

What the hell happened to Billy Idol?

I think I have to kill myself.

The scream after Caruso's witticisms is making me pee!

Talking is hard sometimes.

The other week a boy in Corina's gym class got crazy with a volleyball and accidently hit Corina in the face with it. Yesterday I was walking her to the school bus, and she pointed out a boy in a blue snowsuit. She wanted me to know he was the one who did it.
"Mommy! That's the boy who hit me in the balls with his face!"

I've been laughing for over 24 hours now.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Rembrandt: The artist as an old man in love.

This unmarred canvas, my wife,
moves through the wind
like candlelight, all flicker and flutter.
I’m amazed she touches the earth
when she walks – I secretly
believe her footsteps
are clever forgeries.
She saved me from my
lonely walk. I had been stumbling
for years, one more missed step
and I would have shattered into a thousand
worming pieces. She resurrected me.
My knees have grown supple
from my dreaming of her.

My husband will write something like that to me when we're old, I bet. He's going to love me a ton.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Don't call me a gimp.

The doctor said I can take off my cast! It feels really weird when I walk, but I'm so happy. My foot is officially healed and I can wear matching shoes again.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

I analyzed the use of pathos, logos, and ethos!

That's me. I look very intelligent because I learned what a rhetorical analysis essay is, and then I wrote one. I had no idea there was so much I didn't know. I was such a dumb-ass before. How long does it take to learn everything there is to know in the whole world? I want to do that.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Today I'm cross.

My doctor is supposed to have my X-rays today to tell me how my foot is doing, and if I'm allowed to take my cast off yet. I called his office just now. It's in a clinic with lots of other doctors. My doctor is off until week after next, and there's no one there who has access to my X-rays. What the hell is that? So really, I could be allowed to take off my cast right now, but instead I have to wear it for another week and a half at least until he gets around to letting me know the results. That's so dumb. I'm mad. Really really mad. Totally not fair.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

This is what I get for trying to help.

There's a woman I know who is not quite mentally stable. I've been trying to help her through some problems, but she's not doing very well. I think soon she'll have a psychotic episode and possibly murder me. I thought you'd all want to know. I can't say too much more, because maybe she'll find my blog and then murder me for sure. Scared!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I joined a club.

I ride the bus a lot. (I took 7 buses last Friday.) Apparently there's a secret club for disabled and injured people, and the bus is our meeting place. I don't think I've had a bus ride this month without someone telling me about their owies. My cast and cane make the people in my new club think I want to chat with them, even though I am clearly trying to read a textbook. One of today's club members fell down the stairs when he was drunk and broke his neck a few years ago. He had to wear one of those weird halo things they screw into their skull. He talked to me about that for twenty minutes, and then pulled off his hat to show me all the screw holes in his head. Pardon my garden. That was gross.

There's a guy I see around town now and then who has a fake leg. He always looks drunk and a little scary, and I've seen him pick up cigarette butts from the curb and smoke them. He's dapper. Anyway, he has never acknowledged my existence before. Today when I hobbled by him, he gave me a huge smile and said hi to me as though we're best friends. He's in my club too.

There was a young guy on the bus with a broken foot the other day. When I got on, I sat across from him in the gimp section. I asked him if he wanted to be in my club. He didn't say anything, but the old lady who was sitting near us thought I was damned funny. I thought so too.

Sunday, November 19, 2006


Max wonders why I'm not re-married yet, because he wants me to make a little brother for him. I wonder too. If one of you wants to marry me and put a baby in me, I'm good with that.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I'd say I was justified...

Two teenagers were blocking my way in the aisle at Payless yesterday. They finally moved a tiny bit, so I had to angle between them. That's not easy on crutches. As I was making my way between them, one of them stepped forward and stomped right on my foot. The broken one with the huge cast on it. I made a good gasping noise that let her know it hurt, and then I stood there looking at her, waiting for my apology. She didn't say anything, and even though I wanted to set her on fire, I walked away. After I went a few steps, the girl started laughing. That's when I threatened to shove my crutch up her ass.
It was a good day, overall.

Friday, November 10, 2006

104% on my mid-term this week.

I'm the nerdiest nerd who ever nerded. And I'm totally getting scholarships for next year!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I went on a date with this guy.

He bought me stuff. I suppose he bought it with stolen money. That's sexy.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I'm going to brag a lot right now.

Max's teacher called me tonight just to tell me that Max is smart and good. She said she is going to have him be her teaching assistant during math because he is gifted and talented, and she's also going to give him enrichment activities. Basically while she's teaching the kids the things he already knows, he'll be assisting them. Yay my kid! She then told me about the new kid who started school on Tuesday, and Max volunteered to show him around the school. He also invited the new boy to eat lunch with him and his friends and play with them at recess. Yay my kid again! He's such a nice boy.

Max was telling me about his grade one book buddy. He is cognitively impaired. That's the term for it, so don't call him dumb. Also, gifted and talented is the term for smart these days, if you didn't catch that. Max said, "We had to draw pictures of each other, so I drew him, and he drew a cat."

I love that story.

About my foot - my friend pushed me around the college in a wheelchair today because my spaghetti arms are too weak to use crutches for that long. I'm such a baby. And my massive air walker cast is incredibly sexy.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

I broke myself.

I have a broken foot. Apparently I broke it two weeks ago, but taking the kids trick or treating last night killed it. I knew I injured it the other week, but I'm too busy to have a bad foot so I tried to ignore it. Last night it swelled up and turned colours, so I went to the hospital today rather than school.

Anyway, I just told Corina that normally right now I'd be getting on the bus to come home from school, but since I didn't go to school I could be home earlier. I said, "Is having a broken foot a good reason to skip school?"

She responded, "It's better than hepatitis."

She's five, by the way.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

School. It's good.

I've decided I completely love learning, so I guess I love school. See this girl doing her work?

If a bomb just happened to kill nearly everyone around her, that would be the perfect school environment. There are so many people who need to be blown up.

And psychology class is neato!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Covet this, sinners.

I own it!I watched it with Corina tonight and I'm pretty sure we time-traveled. I miss the olden days.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


It's not quite perfect, but it's close enough that I'll still be my friend. I kill at psychology.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Harlow's Monkeys

Ever read about these little guys? Look how freaking cute that thing is! Poor little baby with a terrycloth mommy.

Anyway, I have a huge psychology test tomorrow, and I'm worried I won't get perfect on it. Pray for me. I must be perfect always or I will hate myself.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Friday, October 20, 2006

I hope one of you knows how to sew...

I'm going to need one of those vests. Good news for all of you who have been annoyed by me asking you to repeat yourself. I haven't been ignoring you. I'm deaf! I finally got my hearing checked. Looks like my Eustachian tubes suck and I have a mild hearing impairment. That also explains why I bump into things and fall over all the time. It's just my ears, not the vodka. I can totally keep drinking.

They can probably fix my ears with some wacky combinations of this and that. I shall hear again!