Thursday, August 10, 2006

For your emotional well-being...

Do not watch Sophie's Choice when you have a nine year old son and a five year old daughter.

I hadn't seen this movie since the olden days when I was young and not a mommy. It's a very different experience watching it now, and especially so when my kids match up with hers. Following the scene where Sophie is forced to choose which of her children will be sent to the crematorium, I engaged in the self-torture most mothers probably do after this movie. I agonized over what I would do if that had been us and I cried my eyes out.

I would never have handed Corina over and shouted, "Take my daughter!". I would never have handed over my Max, either. I'm quite certain I would have fought until they killed me, or I would have chosen to have all three of us sent to the crematorium. They would have done that, wouldn't they? When the Nazi officer was forcing her to choose which child would live and which would die, wouldn't he have just as happily killed them all?

Some people might think that's an even more horrible option, but to me it's the most wonderful thing that could realistically happen in such a horrible place. I don't fear the three of us dying together at the same time, because we'll just continue along together after that. Being dead isn't so bad. We're not exactly *dead* when we're dead. We're just not here hanging out with the rest of you. My fear is one or two of us dying and leaving the others alone to miss them for decades. It's scary loving my kids as much as I do.

There's a little girl Max goes to school and church with. A few years ago her family was in a terrible car accident, and she lost both her parents and all her siblings. To me, the greatest tragedy is that she survived. Maybe I'm not looking at it right, but my perspective is it wouldn't even be all that sad if they had all died together. Sure the grandparents would miss them, but what a comfort knowing they're all together. If I were that little girl, I'd have a hard time feeling "blessed" that I lived.

Max fell out of a tree fort yesterday. He didn't die. But he could have!!!

1 comment:

Brien said...

Just so you know, now I have to watch the movie. It better not make me cry.