Wednesday, September 27, 2006

My day.

A girl in my class thought I was only 19. She's my new best friend.

My other tiny story is I nearly threw up on the bus today. I think I have strep throat. I can't talk above a whisper, and that's very hard for a bigmouth like me.

Oh, wait. One more story. Don't go! They had school pictures at my practicum school today, and I was in the class picture just like a real teacher. I felt so grown up! And yet I look so young...

Friday, September 22, 2006

Doll kids.

This gives an idea of what Corina will look like as a teenager, and I'm scared. The boys are all going to be in love with her.

And that's pretty much what Max looks like right now. He's a cool kid.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

This isn't what I'm supposed to be doing right now...

I'm even looking the wrong way like I always do when there's a camera around. Now that's good, clean fun.

Check out this demonstration of my energy!

I know you're all desperate to find out how I'm doing in school. Here's something for you eager beavers. I had to do a speaking assignment in front of my communications class. Get ready to be impressed. My teacher's comments were, "Your face, voice, and presence demonstrate energy. Assertive speaker, able to speak freely, mature learner, can teach others well." And I got a perfect score. I'm wonderful. I wasn't as excited about the part where she called me old, but whatever.

I'm so tired. SO TIRED. I fell asleep on the couch last night while I was studying for my psychology test. I need way more hours in a day. I also need a housekeeper and a sherpa. My backpack weighs a shlabillion pounds.

The important things here though are that my hair looks great, I'm skinny, and I'm pretty. Sometimes I lose sight of that.

Friday, September 15, 2006


My English teacher showed me his nipples today. Sometimes he's so unprofessional. He was wearing the tightest shirt I've ever seen on a man, and apparently he was cold. The whole time he was talking about thesis statements I felt poked in the eye. Nipples make it hard to concentrate.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

I'm learning!

Today I bought a printer and wrote a thesis. Last week I didn't know what a thesis was, and although I knew what a printer was, it makes the story better if I say I didn't.

I had to pretend to have a philosophy on writing for my class with the teacher I love . I pretended so hard I almost believe it now.

Friday, September 08, 2006

It's t'important!

My Corina thinks Tim Hortons is called T'importance, and I'm never going to correct her. She's so cute...

The best thing about school.

My English teacher is making me lust after him, which doesn't seem very professional but I think I'm okay with it. He's near perfect, and usually I don't like anybody so that's saying a lot. I need to find out if he has a wife. He kind of acts single, and he puts a fresh piece of gum in his mouth when we enter the room. Married men don't usually do that. Oh, and there's no wedding ring. That could be a clue...

Day two went like this...

I didn't cry once. Not even a tiny bit. Go me! But poor Corina almost died of sadness. She sobbed when Max left for school and then went hysterical when I brought her to my friend's house to be babysat. I had to peel her off me while she frantically screamed for "one more minute!!!". At least she has an awesome babysitter. Anyway, she did stop crying eventually and had a nice day. I'm just deeply missable.

School was long, but my lunch was incredibly fun. I sat by myself so I could do some reading, but a few minutes after I sat down a girl came and asked if she could sit beside me. She's an ESL student from China. I've seen her on the bus before. Before long the entire ESL class was sitting with me. Half of them were from China and the other half from Brazil. Bruno sat across from me and we chatted, and I LOVE the way he talks. I'm so impressed when people learn a new language as adults. He was telling me he didn't know what his lunch was exactly, and that his friend made it for him. He told me, "I was lazy to prepare it." I think that sentence is awesome.

I have so much homework already. And if any of you want to come over and teach a computer dummy how to use a word processor, I'd really appreciate it.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

It's hard out here for a pimp.

It's also hard for a mommy. I've been home full-time with my kids for nearly ten years, and today that all changed. IT CHANGED!!!

I had my first day of classes today. During my communications class I looked at the clock. It was 2:50, if you're wondering. I started thinking about what I would normally be doing with Corina at 2:50, and next thing I knew I was crying. Not just a little bit, either. I was even making baby crying noises. It was so bad the girl next to me cried too. That's effective sadness. I don't know if I can survive being away from my Max and Corina every day. Really. It just might make me to die.

And that is the cheerful update about my first day of college.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Don't mess with my babies.

Max, my little nine year old, waited with his bike outside the grocery store today while his sister and I grabbed a couple of things for our last day of summer holidays picnic. When I came out, he said, "Mommy, I don't like teenagers." He was near tears. He then told me four teenagers had walked through the parking lot swearing and being annoying, and then they swarmed around him while one crouched down, right in Max's face, and shouted, "What are you looking at, kid?!!" Then they all laughed and went in the grocery store.

I got Max to show me who did it. I was expecting a group of fourteen year olds. Max pointed out four people who were standing at the meat counter. They were four men of about 22 years old, nicely dressed, clean-cut university athlete types. Big, tall, strong men. What the crap?

I stormed up to them and demanded, "Which one of you is the tough guy who thinks it's fun to bully little boys?" Three of them looked completely embarrassed and stepped backward, leaving one guy right in front of me holding his ground. Body language is a beautiful thing. Tough guy laughed in my face and denied doing any such thing. He came way too close to me and tried to use his size to intimidate me. I can't believe now the way I handled it. I shook my finger in his face and hissed at him about being a bully and a liar until finally he admitted what he had done and apologized to Max. He said, "Sorry about what I did, but..."

And I cut him off. "Don't say but! That negates the apology!"

He then said, "But...I'm an A-hole."

I'm a freaking mama bear.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I love them only because they're like me.

I think it's awesome the way my kids have picked up my mannerisms and such. Corina talks with her hands in the exact way I do. It's not particularly cute when I do it, but it's adorable to see a five year old do it.

Tonight I reminded Max to brush his teeth while he was having a bedtime drink, and he said, "I haven't had enough to drink right yet." Little boys don't say right yet! And he's taken to shouting "Bugger!" when he breaks or drops something. Hehe.

I realized how much I say "evidently" when Corina started saying it all the time. "Evidently I'm not as hungry as I thought", or "Evidently I didn't sleep very well last night." Another one I hadn't realized I said all that much was especially awesome to hear out of her little mouth. Max was taking too long with something he was supposed to be sharing, and she shouted, "You don't have to make love to it!"

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Lesson learned, John Wilkes Booth. Lesson learned.

If you hear someone say, "Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal — you sockdologizing old man-trap," a bullet may shortly be lodged behind your eyeball while everyone around you laughs.

Safety first! Wear your bullet-proof bonnets to the theatre.

It's not fair when special treats go wrong.

I always cut my kids' hair myself. Today for a special back-to-school treat I decided to take Max to the hairdressers for a haircut. That made him feel like such a big kid, and he was really excited about it.

I told the girl I wanted just a normal boy's haircut - really short on the sides and back, and a little bit longer on the top so he could spike it up. She then took the scissors and quickly chopped his bangs off nearly at the roots, but also made them in a jaunty little rainbow arch shape. I kid you not. Max looked like he was going to cry. I think I did too. I asked if she could maybe make the bangs not so blunt like that, and she turned to the other hairdresser and asked, "How do I make bangs not look so blunt?" The other woman told her to use the something or other and do such and such, and it was clearly over the girl's head because finally the older woman told her she'd fix it once the haircut was done. I don't know why I let her continue working on Max's hair, but I did.

So then she started trimming the hair on top of his head. In slow motion she would take at most ten hairs and trim maybe a millimetre from the ends. I was watching and wondering what the heck she was doing and how she ever thought she'd finish at that speed, and then she started doing the same thing down the back of his hair where she should be using clippers. After a while I said to her, "Umm....usually I use clippers to do the sides and back..."

She was so confused. "Clippers???" She was incredulous. And so was I.

"Number 2 clippers for the sides and back," I told her.

With question marks for pupils, she looked at the other hairdresser, who then showed her how to put the number 2 attachment on the clippers. She then gave Max a mushroom cut. A mushroom cut! She made him look like a loser!

And poor Max...the look on his face almost made me cry. I asked if she would maybe use the clippers a little more up the side, and she said she would, but then continued to trim a few hairs at a time with the scissors. Meanwhile, the other woman had done three haircuts. Three! Max had been sitting there 45 freaking minutes and was nowhere near done. Finally the girl whispered something to the other hairdresser and then went in the back. The other woman finished Max's hair as best she could, did the proper stuff with the clippers, and the girl who apparently has never cut hair before came back when it was time to pay.

No one even apologized. How can they not at least say sorry for that? I was determined not to pay, but when the older woman fixed the mushroom effect I decided I would pay but not tip. That's what I did. I guess I'm not so tough. Oh, and then the older woman asked if I was getting Corina's hair cut there too, and I shrieked, "NOOOO!" As if I'd ever let them touch another of my children.

So people not need some kind of qualification other than hands to work as a hairdresser? Shouldn't they know what clippers are at the very least?


Friday, September 01, 2006


I like raisins very much, thank you.

I don't like having to pick grape stems off my raisins. Grape stems on raisins start the whole world crying.

Stinky crock pot.

My friend gave me a crock pot yesterday so I could have my dinners ready when I get home from school. She's nice.

I've never used a crock pot before, my mom never used one, my grandma never used's all new to me. I put some chicken in it this morning to try it out. Just chicken, onions, and barbecue sauce. It smelled really good for the first little while, but I've learned something about crock pots. And myself. (It's been a big day!) I shouldn't ever use one when I'm going to be home all day. The smell of that chicken is so overwhelming I'm about to puke. I feel as though I've been eating it all day long. I'm having to mouth-breath just to survive, and when I think of sitting down to dinner my stomach turns. It would seem I don't enjoy smelling my dinner for 8 hours straight. I'm so disappointed.