Saturday, June 30, 2007

I got a new job.

Don't judge me. You think you're better than me?? YOU'RE NOT BETTER THAN ME!!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Scary Night. REALLY SCARY!

Remember my neighbor who wanted me to shove a box of groceries in my bottom? There was another incident today. She came out of her house just as I was walking by, so I said hi and waved like a normal person would. She gave me the finger like a crazy person would. It was kind of weird. She then got in her car and drove away. She has been really extra weird lately. She accused my friend of breaking into her house and tapping her phone, even.

A short while later, Max and I were walking through the parking lot to get Corina from her friend's house, and Crazy Lady came driving in. I saw her and pulled Max over a bit so we were walking along the fence line. She then swerved over until her tire was right ON the fence line and started driving right toward us. I yoinked Max back and into a tiny little recess in the fence that we were lucky enough to be walking past. She barely missed us. She came within an inch of running us over.

When she got out of her car, she just stared me down, and I said, "What are you doing??" I was so confused, I couldn't think of anything else to say. She then started screaming at me, and it was a rant full of the F word and based on this statement. "Well if you weren't so f'ing skinny, maybe people wouldn't try to run you over!" She yelled and yelled about me being so skinny. Apparently that is now reason enough to be murdered. I didn't say anything at all. I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open, feeling confused and looking skinny, and finally she stormed off.

I called the police, even though that was so tv show of me. Things are being dealt with. She was nice enough to leave really clear tire tracks that show exactly what happened, so I don't have to worry about her lying or anything. The officer was quite concerned with her behaviour when he finally got in her house after nearly beating her door down. Things are going to happen. I may be murdered. I'm a little scared.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Treat Day

Today was Treat Day. For those of you who don't know, Treat Day comes at the end of the month, and it's the day we pretend we're rich people. We go out for dinner and some kind of fun activity, and then sometimes we buy stuff. Just stuff. Whatever we feel like, because it's Treat Day! We look forward to it all month long.

Today we went to see Are We Done Yet, which was surprisingly funny. We ate candy and chocolate bars and popcorn and drank litres and litres of Dr Pepper. We played video games at the movies too. We ate at Subway, and then we walked around the mall for a while and bought matching shirts for Max and Corina. Corina really wanted a cool shirt, and these were cool. They really like being twins. Max also got a Circa shirt, because Circa is awesome when you're a ten year old boy.
And now Corina and I are going to play Police Officer. She needs to ask me some questions.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Sports Day!

The most fun day of school all year, as far as I'm concerned. It was called Play Day when I was a kid, but now it has the much cooler name of Sports Day. My kids are great little athletes.

Max kicked butt at the high jump, and he looked so very cute!

Corina was on the other side of the school in the smaller field, where they had games that weren't quite so hard. She laughed her way through the potato sack races.

Max tied for second in the long jump. He's such a cool kid.

Trying to get the sand out of his shoes. And isn't he handsome? The girls are already falling in love with him, and who could blame them?
I don't know what they would call this game, but the kids had to carry cups of water on their heads as they ran to a bucket, where they would then dump the water. It was hilarious.

And look at my tiny little Corina doing hurdles for her very first time. I was so impressed with her. Those long, skinny legs made it over easily.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Corina's field trip

It was much more fun than Max's, thankfully. We went to Pavan Park, where we played all day and ate tons of food.

We had a lovely ride on the school bus...

Corina tried very hard to do the hula hoop, but they weren't actually hula hoops. That made it difficult. They were weighted hoops for games where you throw stuff in them or something like that.
This was Corina's secret fort in the trees. She was nice enough to invite me in.

I love being a mommy.

That's it. No more of me for you!

Someone said this to me recently...

"I had tooken a course in that when I was in school."

I fainted. Not everyone has perfect grammar, and I sure don't have perfect grammar, but "tooken"? It hurts me every time I think of it. I don't think I can spend my time with someone who speaks that way. It's a good enough reason to cut someone off, right?

Monday, June 18, 2007

Brilliant Johnny Depp interview.

Weirdest freaking thing I've ever seen, but what a nice boy that Johnny is.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Corina's Graduation

Today was a big day for Corina. Her kindergarten class had their graduation ceremony!
They each had a speaking part, they sang us lots of songs, and they got diplomas. Very important stuff. Corina had the first part in the program. She said, "We want to welcome you to our year-end celebration. We hope you enjoy the show."

And next year she'll be in grade one. Full days of school! She is growing up way too quickly.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Field trip to Beauvais Lake

The grade fours had their end of the year field trip today, and I went too. The 1½ hour ride there was lots of fun, and we expected our time at the lake would be fun too.

We were wrong. We were so very wrong. We were the first group to ever have a field trip to the lake, and those people do not know how to do field trips. We sat on this windy, freezing cold hill for the entire morning while the woman pointed out different species of grass and leaves and other stuff no one should care about. And especially ten-year-olds don't care about.

We were so cold that for a while, Max and I were lying down to get out of the wind, and I was warming him up with my hair.
Hours later...still sitting on the hill. For about half an hour, I had my group move to the side and we pretended to eat poisonous plants, and then we pretended to be dead. It was probably the highlight of the trip.
Honestly, it's a beautiful lake, but that field trip was torture. Oh, and after lunch they had the kids spend almost an hour weeding a field. Really! They made them pull weeds, and if they didn't get the roots out they had to go get a park worker who would come dig the root out with a shovel for them. Such fun.

And just because she's so's Corina on our playground.

Monday, June 11, 2007

In an email from my little brother Jake...

On a side note, I was thinking about designing socks that are connected with a string so that you won't lose one. I will market them as "Socks for the man who loves mittens" What do you think?
(That's Jake, sitting on my lap in the wagon. He's bigger now. The other two are Nick and Katie.)

Friday, June 08, 2007

Teenagers I didn't hate.

Today we drove past some young girls who were standing at a busy corner holding up a big sign. I thought maybe they were doing a car wash, and then we got close enough to read the sign. It said, "HONK IF YOU LIKE CHEESE!!!".

I was so proud of those girls. I've been laughing about it for an hour now.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Not such a scary basement.

Adam and Holly have moved back to Ontario, and we inherited many of their belongings. That means we now have more than cement and toys in our basement. We have a tv room! It's perfect for Max now that he's at the age where it's cool to "hang out" rather than play toys with his friends.

Right now the kids are down there watching Nacho Libre. They could be watching it up here in the living room on the massive tv we inherited, but they prefer their own room with the little tv.

Speaking of those kids I made - Max went for his x-rays today to see how his shoulders are doing. He goes to see the orthopedic surgeon on July 4th to see if it's time for surgery. The other doctor seems to think it's time to fix his right shoulder, anyway. One of these days Max's poor arms are going to fall right off. It seems I didn't make him quite right. Oh well. It was my first time.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

What a harlot.

Today I wore a black bikini while I did yardwork. I felt like such a whore, and I really liked it.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Obscure Fetish Prankster

It didn't take me long to come up with something happier to tell you about.

If you like old-timey barbers or Jewish mother stereotypes, you'll like this. A comedian from New York called up phone sex girls and told them he's into some bizarre stuff. These are real calls, and I love them.

This is not cheerful.

A twelve-year-old boy was riding his bike in my neighborhood today, and he was run over by a bus at the corner where Max and Corina cross to catch their school bus. There are spray paint outlines on the road of the bike and other things...I'm not sure what. The boy was crossing in the intersection just like he's supposed to. They flew him to Calgary hospital, so I suppose he must be in pretty rough shape. I might even know the boy. He probably goes to the middle school where I did my practicum, since that's where kids in my neighborhood go to school. No names have been released yet. I always worry about my kids crossing that street. Cars come speeding around there like mad all the time. My worst nightmare is something like that happening to my kids, and now it has happened to someones kid right outside my door. It makes me so sad.

I'll post something nicer tomorrow maybe.